Constant Upheaval
by VeritaParlata
Summary: After tragedy strikes, Lindsey Strauss muses on her relationship with Lucas, while Lucas wrestles with his feelings for a former love.
1. Chapter 1: Invisible

Constant Upheaval

Rating: Mature  
Characters/Pairings: Lucas/Lindsey, Lucas/Peyton  
Disclaimer: I do not own any of the characters from _One Tree Hill_.  
Spoilers: None.  
Author's Notes: I know that I'm supposed to be writing _Wedding In Vegas_, but I got this idea suddenly last night and it wouldn't leave me alone. I have no idea how long it will be since I only intended to make it a one-part musing, but it has become something completely different. Won't be epic (I hope). Was never really a Lindsey fan. Found her character one-dimensional and boring, but I can sympathize with and even applaud her decision to leave Lucas at the altar. She knew he was in love with another woman... even if that jerk never admitted it.

Premise: Post-'In Da Club' but AU. After tragedy strikes, Lindsey Strauss muses on her relationship with Lucas, while Lucas wrestles with his feelings for a former love.

- - - - - - -

Chapter One: _Invisible_

Lindsey Strauss felt invisible. She knew she wasn't, not really, but standing in the crowded hospital room full of people she felt, oddly enough, like she wasn't there at all. And if she were to be honest, she wished with all of her heart that she were somewhere else..._anywhere_ else.

It wasn't more than an hour ago that Lucas received a frantic call from old friend (and beautiful ex-girlfriend) Brooke Davis that her best friend (and equally beautiful ex-love of Lucas' life) was in the hospital. Lucas didn't ask for any details from Brooke; not that he would have been able to understand with the frantic crying, but instead closed his phone promptly, mumbled something about Peyton being hurt and rushed out the door without so much as a word to her. She was left to follow behind as he made a beeline for his ex-girlfriend _again_.

When they arrived, they found Brooke sitting in the chair next to Peyton's bedside crying, holding the blonde's hand tightly in hers. Nathan and Haley were there as well, Haley holding on to Brooke's shoulders as if trying to steady her while Nathan stood off to the side looking lost and helpless. Skills, Mouth and Millicent arrived just seconds after she and Lucas did. Everyone stood stoically quiet, deathly quiet, save for Brooke sobbing and Lindsey felt guilty. She stared at the sleeping blonde, eyes roving over the bruises on her face and neck, wondering what happened to her but never finding the voice to ask.

Lucas was the first to speak. Never taking his eyes off Peyton, he made his way to Brooke (he let go of barely holding Lindsey's hand the moment they set foot in the room). Haley stepped back from the crying brunette; she touched Lucas' shoulder in support before stepping back to Nathan. Brooke looked to Lucas with the saddest eyes Lindsey ever saw; eyes that no one would expect from a fashion icon like Brooke Davis. She sobbed harder, still tightly clinging to Peyton's hand.

"What happened?" Lucas asked, carefully tucking his emotions behind the veneer of concern. Lindsey noticed how soft his voice was. It was as if he was taking care in not waking Peyton; as if she were only sleeping.

"I don't know," Brooke answered, her raspy whispering voice full of emotional turmoil. "I went to get her after the concert and..." Brooke's face, so full of fear, contorted to one of sheer and utter bewilderment. "...and she was on the floor." She looked at Lucas as if she was seeing him for the first time. "Oh, God, Luke... there was so much blood. So much."

Lucas pulled her to him then, to quiet down the sobs that came unashamedly now. Lucas couldn't help the tears that sprang to his own eyes. Couldn't help but want to reach out and hold Peyton. Hold her and will her to wake up, to come back to him. She couldn't leave him this way... not when he'd just gotten her back.

The air in his lungs burned like acid. His stomach churned violently as his feelings ranged from desperation to rage. He wanted to know who did this to her. Who dared hurt the woman he loved this way. God, he wanted to save her. He wished he could have. He wasn't religious anymore. Not after losing Keith. Not after losing Peyton and his faith in love, but he wanted to pray. Not just to God but to anyone who would listen. Just a word. One word to make this okay.

_Please..._

The next breath he took didn't hurt nearly as much. Lucas felt that was enough.

Lindsey watched from the sidelines as Lucas, Brooke and all their friends huddled around Peyton's bed. She admired the way they all came together, syncing as one unit to try to will Peyton to get better. She wished she could do the same. Even as much as Peyton threatened her, she didn't want her to die. Didn't want Lucas to lose the one thing he cherished more than life itself... even if it broke her heart in the process.

She wasn't very religious. Not anymore. Not after her father suffered a painful death. Still she prayed. Just one word. One word to anyone who would listen.

_Please..._

The next moment came and went and Peyton, though barely, was still alive. Lindsey hoped that would be enough.


	2. Chapter 2: Lost

Author's Note: Thanks to all who've read, reviewed and made favorite the story. I know you want to know what happened to Peyton and I will reveal everything... in due time. ;) I hope you are enjoying the story even though it is dark in nature. I had no intentions of making it this dark. Sometimes, my brain just runs away from me...

Disclaimer: Usual disclaimer applies.

* * *

Chapter Two: _Lost_

Peyton Sawyer was lost. It's not that she didn't know where she was; she knew that exactly. She was trapped in her own body. Her conscious mind raced in her dormant body. She could hear voices, the voices of her friends, their prayers falling on seemingly deaf ears were heard loud and clear. The sob of her best friend and the feel of her touch. She could hear and sense all of that, even if she couldn't see it. She could feel them there. Could feel every gnawing stab of pain that coursed through her body.

She wasn't lost. No. She was a prisoner. A prisoner of her own body.

_I'm here._

The doctor had come in and asked mostly everyone to leave. Brooke had been allowed to stay since she was the one who had come in with Peyton. The fashionista was also the closest thing to family Peyton had in this town. Her father was too far out for Brooke to notify him and she didn't know what to tell him even if she could. Y_our beloved daughter __was attacked once before by a psycho who tried to rape and kill her and was attacked again by someone who…_

"Can I do anything for you?" Lucas asked her. He knelt down beside her, his eyes landing on her blood stained shirt. _Peyton's blood_. "Something to eat..." he swallowed hard and forced his eyes to leave the blaring stains. "...to wear?"

Brooke shook her head. Her eyes, already red and burning from all the salty tears, produced more. She looked down at her best friend's blood staining her clothes and felt sick in her stomach. For the rest of her life, she would never forget seeing Peyton lying on the floor of her office in a pool of blood. Never forget the cuts along her body, the torn clothing and the implications of what they meant.

"What do I do, Luke?" Brooke asked the other occupant of the room, wondering why someone as good as Peyton had their life in constant upheaval. She hadn't let go of Peyton's hand, had barely moved at all since they arrived. She didn't spare the blond man a glance but instead kept her eyes on her best friend. "I don't know what to do," Brooke's voice was so tiny she wasn't sure that he heard her. She pressed Peyton's hand to her cheek and held it there. "How do I help her?" Hoping for a sign, any type of sign that Peyton could feel her there.

_I'm here, Peyton. I'm right here._

Lucas stood off to Brooke's side, staring intently at Peyton's face. He couldn't bring himself to leave Peyton. He wasn't family, he had scarcely been a friend to her in the past three years, but he could not leave her. Wouldn't. Staring at the bright red cuts under her left eye and those dark purple bruises on her neck and wrists. The longer he stared at her, the more his heart broke.

He should have been there. If only he hadn't left her…

_How can you be there when you keep running away? Moron, you kissed her and left her. You always run away, _he thought ashamed._ Time to change that._

"We pray?" he questioned.

Brooke looked to him afraid. She thought on it for a moment, considering the odd of God listening to someone like her, but ultimately relented. Nodding slowly, "Will you pray with me?"

Lucas didn't say anything but simply nodded. In truth, he couldn't say anything. His voice had left him again.

He reached out and touched Peyton's hand in Brooke's. He knew it wasn't enough. Knew that one simple touch could not erase all the pain they have caused each other. Could not ease the pain she was feeling now. Still... he had to try. He had to do something. He had to let her know how much he loved her. How much he still needed her. She had to know... even if he couldn't admit it aloud.

_I'm here, Peyton. I'm right here._

- - - - - - - - - -

Lindsey walked the corridors of the hospital quietly. Tears stung her eyes, but she didn't let them fall. Turn after turn in the corridors lead her away from the room Lucas occupied with his two former loves. Every breath brought the memory of staring through the glass door and watching Lucas' (her _fiancé _Lucas) heart break at the thought of losing the love of his life. Every heartbeat ached with brand new pain as the realization of not being first in his heart, of _never_ being his first, set in.

Lindsey Strauss was lost, and not just in an endless hospital corridor, but in her own heart. Though it broke into thousands of tiny pieces at every thought of Lucas not being able (or willing) to tear himself away from Peyton's side, she still loved him. She still wanted to be the one he chose to come home to. Still wanted to be the one he loved... even if second best. Third after Haley. Hell, even fourth after Jamie. She would love him enough for both of them.

"Lindsey?" Haley's voice was full of concern and broke into her muddled thoughts. Somehow, she found her way back to the waiting area where everyone else was. The brunette walked up to her and pulled her into an embrace. Lindsey knew it was more for Haley's consolation than her own. Still, the other woman had befriended her and made Lindsey feel welcome, even more so after Peyton returned home. She wondered silently if that was because Haley expected Lucas to return to Peyton but wouldn't dare ask... not now. "Okay?"

Lindsey nodded, unwilling to burden her friend with her insecurities right now. "Mm-hmm. Fine," she lied. She was anything but fine. She wanted the floor to swallow her up in that instant. "Just..." She pondered over the correct words. "I don't know how to help him." She sighed heavily, feeling pathetic for feeling so sorry for herself when Peyton was fighting for her life. "I don't even know if he would _let_ me."

Haley's brow furrowed with a mixture of confusion and sympathy. She could imagine what Lindsey was feeling. Torn between wanting Lucas and feeling guilty about it considering the circumstances. She wished she had words of comfort for her friend, but her own heart felt conflicted. As much as she loved Lindsey, she loved Peyton, too. She loved Lucas most of all and knew that as long as Peyton was in the hospital that nothing else would come first. His heart was torn between his love for both women and his guilt over his treatment of Peyton.

"Tragic, isn't it?" Haley questioned rhetorically. "How life can be so wonderful and so cruel in the same moment?"

Lindsey assumed that she meant her engagement to Lucas and Peyton's attack, but something in Haley's eyes made her question that. At any rate, she didn't want to talk about it anymore. "Is there any change?"

Haley's face was once again full of concern. "The doctor hasn't said anything to us. He just went back into the room with Lucas and Brooke."

Haley wouldn't voice how bad it was, but Lindsey could imagine. "God..." Lindsey said aloud even though she had not meant to. "I was so mean to her last night. I was rude for no reason at all. To her and to Lucas." She remembered Peyton's face when she knocked on the door last night. Remembered Peyton's shocked green eyes batting away tear and she had to do the same thing now.

"You can't feel guilty, Lindsey. You didn't know this was going to happen to her." Haley left out the part about being mad with both of them as well. She never made mention of seeing them kissing in Peyton's office. They all had enough to deal with right now. "It's just a bad thing. Sometimes bad things happen to good people." She meant that. Peyton may be a little lost right now in her life, but she was a good person.

Over Haley's shoulder, Lindsey saw Lucas walking out of the room holding Brooke steady in his arms. She cried against his chest as nurses rushed into the room behind them. The blaring alarm sounded and seemed to resonate throughout her entire body.

She could see Lucas' face and could see the prayers he whispered as well as the soft words he said to Brooke. She wanted to run to him. To hold him, comfort him, and tell him everything would be okay... but she knew it wouldn't be. Whether Peyton lived or died, nothing would ever be the same again.

All the friends stood by each other, huddled together once again. Banding together, supporting each other, and giving each other hope. Once again, she was not included. Always an outsider looking in. Always second, never first. She felt invisible again and hated herself it.

Walking away, she wondered if Lucas would notice. She wondered if loving him enough for them both was fair: to him and to her. Walking away, she wondered if the love of _her_ life could feel her there. Wondered if he cared at all...

Still, she couldn't stop herself from caring. Couldn't stop herself from loving him. That would be like trying not to breathe.

_I'm here, Lucas. I'm right here._


	3. Chapter 3: Bless the Broken Road

Chapter Three: _Bless the Broken Road_

Lucas Scott was terrified. He found his way to the hospital chapel somehow. Brooke had gone to take a shower in the nurse's showers under the suggestion of Haley and Millicent. Nathan, Mouth, and Skills had all gone to find food for them all. Lindsey was... somewhere; he wasn't sure where. Somehow, he managed to pull himself away from the windows of the operating room and came here. He didn't know why he was here, only followed where his feet led. He wondered if being here was a sign. A sign of his prayers being answered.

Though he doubted, he still hoped.

Hope was all he had now.

"_There isn't much any of us can do," the doctor said. He looked down at Peyton's broken body. "She could come out of her coma in the next minute or not at all." He looked back to Brooke and Lucas. "The most we can do now is make her comfortable. Make sure she's not in any pain and surround her with people who love her."_

"_Why is her skin turning dark like that?" Lucas asked, noticing the blue tint rising in her face._

_The doctor looked down quickly and just in the blink of an eye, the monitors hooked up to her started to sound. _

One word. To anyone who would listen.

_Please..._

The chapel still looked the same as it did in his dream. The dream or out of body experience he endured in high school. He had come here with Keith and found his mother sitting much where he was sitting right now. Same solemn expression upon his face. Same look of concern while hoping for a miracle.

He remembered that dream vividly. Thought on it often, more often than he should. It was what he used to help him find his way. The light at the end of the tunnel so to speak.

He wished it could lead him now. Wished it could give him a sense of direction in this situation, but it was entirely out of his hands. It was all up to Peyton now. All up to her to fight for her life. The only thing he could do was wait...

...and pray.

He closed his eyes tightly. "Oh, God, I don't even know where to begin," he said aloud.

Suddenly, a soft touch startled him. He turned quickly and found Haley standing behind him. The sorrowful look in her eyes made him feel worse. "Why don't you begin with how you feel?"

Lucas contemplated her words and the hidden meaning behind them as Haley sat down next to him. She looped her arm in his and grabbed his hand. It was a small gesture, but she hoped it conveyed what she wanted him to know: that she was there for him.

"I feel..." Lucas began softly, tears pooling in his clear blue eyes. He couldn't find the proper way to express what he was feeling. His heart was a melting pot of regret and remorse and anger right now. Even as a writer, he didn't know how to voice that. Couldn't find the words to admit that he was broken inside. "... I love her, Hales," he admitted aloud, so softly he wasn't sure he even heard himself.

"I know," Haley replied just as softly. Her heart broke for him, for them all really. They had created a tangible mess. "I'm sure Peyton knows, too."

A single tear slipped down Lucas' unshaven cheek. His stomach and heart twisted in knots as the memories crashed in his mind. Memory after memory, good and bad, of him and Peyton played before his now closed lids. _The first time he ever saw her, the first time they spoke when he towed her car, their first kiss... everything_. Every significant moment he shared with her... even if she wasn't there with him, she was in his heart. Every moment was significant because it was one he hoped he'd get to share with her. He'd been a fool to think that he could ever live without her. A fool to think that, just because he wanted to, he could stop loving her and stop his heart from aching for her every second they were apart.

_Fool..._

Worse yet, he dragged an innocent person into this. Lindsey did not deserve this. She'd done nothing but love and support him. He never meant to break her heart...

As if reading his mind, Haley spoke up. "Lucas, you have to tell Lindsey the truth." She ran a reassuring hand up and down his arm. "She deserves to know how you feel and so does Peyton."

Haley was right. He had to tell them before it was too late. He looked to her, crystalline tears falling steadily down his cheeks, and began to sob in her arms.

One word. To anyone who would listen.

_Please..._

* * *

When Lindsey stepped inside the waiting area, she found only Mouth and Skills. She wanted to smile to them, offer some kind of reassurance that their friend would be okay, but could find none in her heart. She liked them, loved them even, they too had welcomed her into their little family... but she wasn't one of them. She was an outsider and felt like one with every passing second.

She sat in the seat closest to the edge of the area, fighting the urge to look for Lucas. She knew him well enough to know he didn't want to be found. The lack of Haley and Nathan told her that he wasn't alone and that was enough. As heartbroken as she was, she didn't want him to suffer alone. Still part of her wanted him to _need her_. Wanted him to _want her_ to help him through this difficult time.

And she would, too. Even knowing that his heart really wasn't with her, she would help him.

She was so lost in her own marring thoughts that she didn't notice Nathan sit down beside her.

"Lucas is in the chapel," he told her. Lindsey made no moves to speak, just simply nodded her head and stared off into nothingness. Nathan looked away briefly before turning to back at her. "Are you okay?"

Nodding, "Lucas and I got engaged last night," she told him, though she was sure he already knew. Haley knew so Nathan had to know.

"I know," he replied softly. "I would say congratulations but you look as though it's the worst thing in the world."

Lindsey scoffed lightly, a small bitter smile crossing her lips. "Isn't it?" she asked and turned to look at him. "I mean, given the circumstances?"

Nathan's brow furrowed with confusion. "You can't let what happened to Peyton cloud one of the great things that happened last night. Especially not now. We need something to look forward to."

Lindsey nodded again. "What's Peyton going to look forward to? Living with nightmares for two attacks now? Living with yet another scar?"

Nathan gave her a look and made a non-committal sound. "If anyone can pull through and survive... it's Peyton Sawyer." His eyes then took on the same far-off look Lindsey's previously held. "She's overcome so much before. Helped _me_ overcome so much. She's going to pull through." He closed his eyes and whispered to himself. "She has to."

"I hope so," Lindsey said and meant it whole-heartedly. She hoped that with her entire being.

"_Peyton's lung has collapsed. If we don't operate now, she will die," the doctor said. Standing off to the side, Lindsey could see Lucas barely holding it together._

"_But I thought you closed her stab wound?" Brooke asked frantically. "You said she was going to be okay!" The nurse assured her they would do everything they could as the doctor ran to catch up to Peyton's gurney. She turned against Lucas once again, her chocolate brown eyes full of anguish and tears. "Luke..." was all she could say before her sobs started again._

_Lindsey wished she could help, but Lucas and Brooke started to follow the doctor and nurses and she was left again with nothing but her wishes._

Sitting next to Nathan Scott in the hospital waiting area waiting for Peyton Sawyer to come out of surgery, Lindsey Strauss prayed harder than she had in a long while. Tears slipped down her reddened cheeks from her hazel eyes.

She closed her eyes.

One word. Just one word to anyone who would listen.

_Please..._

"Lindsey," she heard Lucas' voice and opened her eyes to find him kneeling in front of her. He looked at her so sadly, so broken and in that moment, Lindsey knew he would break her heart. "Can we talk for a second?"


	4. Chapter 4: Hope Eternally

**Author's Note:** This chapter is dark. Very. Since it reveals (finally) what happened to Peyton. A brief, not too graphic scene but if abuse isn't something you can stomach, don't read this.

Disclaimer: Usual disclaimer applies.

* * *

Chapter Four:_ Hope Eternally_

Peyton Sawyer was trapped in the darkest recess of her mind. Her mind was conscious even as her body lay dormant in the bed. She willed herself to wake. To find a way out of this nightmare before it started again.

She could see herself clearly. Sitting in her office and shedding tears over Lucas' engagement to Lindsey. She could see herself sitting there, as if she was looking in from behind glass, when _he_ came in. Peyton screamed as loud as she could, banging on the imaginary barrier and trying in vain to get to herself. To will herself to turn around.

She could hear his voice in her head as well as her own.

She watched herself turn around, startled by the footsteps coming up behind her.

"_What are you doing here?__" _she heard her voice ask. The memory of herself didn't seem scared, but that was about to change_._ She wanted to close her eyes, to look away, to run and help herself... but it was too late.

"_You ruined my life, bitch," he said, the knife in his hand gleamed when the light caught it. He held it up for her to see. "Now I'm going to make you pay."_

Peyton screamed in her mind at the same moment her memory of herself did. She could feel every punch, kick, and stab just as she could when it happened. She tried to get away from him but he caught her by the ankle.

"_No, no..." he pinned her down. "You're not getting away from me that easily," he taunted her. "Not until I have my fun with you."_

_He ripped her skirt with his knife and his hands before plunging the knife deep in her side. He pulled it out slowly, causing her an obscene amount of pain. A tear-less sob escaped her mouth. Her wide eyes caught sight of him undoing his jeans and despite the pain in her side, she braced for the worst._

_She screamed, succumbing to the pain..._

... and woke with a start. Her eyes flew open, unfailing tears springing forth. Her mouth opened and a strangled cry arose. Her scream didn't sound like much aloud, but inside her head, it was blood curdling. The images played fiercely in her mind, intermingling with reality, until both were distorted and interchangeable.

Brooke rushed off the chair and tried to calm her. She reached out to touch her and Peyton recoiled as best she could.

"Shh, honey," Brooke soothed her, grabbing hold of her best friend's flailing arms. "It's me, Peyton. You're alright." Somehow, that calmed her. Brooke touched her face lovingly and stared into her eyes. _"_You're alright," she whispered. "You're going to be alright."

"He raped me, Brooke," Peyton said as best she could. She'd been dying to say those words since her conscious mind grew stronger. "He raped me."

"I know, honey. I know," Brooke couldn't stop herself from sobbing right along with her.

She didn't expect Peyton to wake up so soon after surgery. It has been only two hours since they wheeled her back into the room. She also hadn't expected Peyton to be so coherent. She thought a great deal about what she would say to her friend when she woke up, if she woke up at all. Part of her was glad she didn't have to explain what happened, while another part was sorry that Peyton obviously relived it in her unconscious state.

"I'm so sorry that happened to you, Peyton. I'm so sorry." She wanted to hold her friend properly but knew she couldn't. Peyton just had major surgery and Brooke was not willing to risk all the work they had done in making her friend well. "Tell me who did that to you, Peyton. The cops are outside waiting for you to wake up. Along with everyone else. Tell me who did it and I'll make sure they get the bastard."

Brooke meant that with every fiber of her being. She would personally hunt down the bastard herself if that meant getting justice for Peyton.

More tears fell from Peyton's green eyes. She looked so frightened. So much in fact that it reminded Brooke of their prom night when that psycho Derek attacked them. It was in that moment that she vowed that she would do anything to make this right for Peyton.

"Who was it, Peyton?"

"Jason."

* * *

When Lucas finally found Lindsey, she was sitting in the chapel. Her eyes were closed and he could hear her muttering words softly to herself. He figured she was praying and almost felt bad for interrupting her. Especially with what he was about to do.

He had wanted to speak with her hours ago but the police arrived to question Brooke. He wanted to know if they had any suspects, any leads about the person who raped Peyton so brutally. He wished only for a name. He would find the person himself if he had to. Find them and make them wish they had never been born.

Then, Peyton came out of surgery and he wanted to go and see her.

"_Peyton," Lucas called to her softly. It was just him alone in the room with her. Brooke was still talking to the police and he didn't want Peyton to be alone. "It's me," he continued, bending down and grabbing her hand to kiss. "I'm so sorry this happened to you. So sorry. But you're going to be okay. I know it." He smiled. "You're going to come back to me." His smile faded under the onslaught of treacherous feelings. "I love you, Peyton, and I can't live without you." A tear slipped down his cheek. "Please don't leave me."_

He left the room after promising her that he would make things right. He meant that he was going to tell Lindsey the truth about his feelings for Peyton and somewhere deep inside, he knew she understood that.

He loved her, had always loved her, and always would. He hated to hurt Lindsey but Peyton's attack and almost losing her forever made him realize just how much Peyton meant to him. Made him realize that he could not be without her... that he didn't _want_ to be.

"Linds?" he called.

Lindsey opened her eyes and found him standing next to her. He looked just as sadly as he did before and she knew again that he was going to break her heart.

"How's Peyton?" she asked, genuinely concerned.

He sat down beside her. "She pulled through the surgery. The doctor says they repaired all the damage to her lung and they will take her off the air machine in a day or two and see how she's faring on her own. She's going to make it."

Tears that she could not explain fell from her eyes. It was almost as if a huge weight had been lifted from her shoulders. "I'm glad." And she genuinely was.

They sat in silence for a moment. The girl who loved a boy... who loved another. She knew Lucas had finally come to a decision about his feelings for his former love and that decision was not in her favor. It was a classic story. Epic really. She'd find it romantic if it didn't hurt so damn much. If it wasn't her heart that had to be broken in the end.

But as it was... she didn't run away.

"Lindsey," Lucas began softly but she interrupted him.

"You should go to her, Lucas," she said suddenly, her eyes cast to the floor. "You should go and be with the woman you love." She did look at him then, hazel eyes so full of tears and anguish and heartbreak. "And you should give her this." She placed her engagement ring in his hand and smiled at him through the tears. It wasn't a cold or a bitter smile. In fact, it was the warmest smile she had ever given him. "It's always belonged to her anyway." She closed his hand around the ring and her hand around his. "Just like your heart."

Lucas wanted to comfort her, find the words to express how sorry he was but they didn't come. He just sat there silently, watching her do the noble thing by him once again. Watching her walk away from him before he could walk away from her.

"I never meant to hurt you," he whispered, his voice could go no higher.

"I know," she replied just as softly. "I think on some level I've always known that you still loved Peyton. That you always would. She's your soulmate." Lindsey removed her hands from around his. "It's an epic love story, Luke. Beautiful and tragic. It's just not ours."

Lucas wanted to say something, anything to ease her pain, but before he could, Nathan rushed through the door.

"Luke, Peyton's awake," his brother told him and his heart leaped with joy.

He looked back at Lindsey one last time. His blue eyes shining with remorse and joy simultaneously. Lindsey knew it was hard for him. Knew he didn't want to hurt her and she'd give him one last favor of not seeing her shed another tear.

"Go," she told him firmly, taking the final decision out of his hands; knowing truthfully, there was no decision to make. His heart had already said goodbye even if his mouth had not.

Lucas didn't say anything else, just got up with the ring in hand and ran with Nathan towards the love of his life.

It was the hardest thing Lindsey had to do: saying goodbye to the man she loved and the life with him she so desperately wanted, but she smiled anyway. Looked up toward the ceiling and whispered something. Her prayers were answered. The love of _her_ life was going to get the chance to reunite with the love of _his_ life.

Peyton lived.

Lindsey felt her broken heart was a small price to pay.

Two words. To anyone who had listened.

_Thank you..._


	5. Chapter 5: Beyond the Veil

Chapter Five:_ Beyond the Veil_

Over the next few days, Peyton was in and out of consciousness. Her mind and body had gone through so much that exhaustion was inevitable. She awoke many times screaming, her eyes full of terror, her body unable to be touched under the strain of fear.

It was those moments Lucas hated Jason the most.

He hated the bastard for hurting the woman he loved. For damaging her body and soul to the point where he almost lost her. But most of all, he hated Jason for putting fear back into Peyton. She'd overcome so much fear in high school after Derek attacked her and now it was back.

_Well,_ he decided one day as he watched her sleeping, _I'm just going to have to help her overcome this, too_. He looked at her sleeping face; her cuts and bruises were starting to heal and he took that as a good sign.

He hadn't strayed too far from her bedside (baring the trip to the jail with Nathan, Skills and Mouth to confront Jason... where he nearly killed the bastard) since the moment Nathan told him she was awake. She'd fallen back into unconsciousness by the time they'd reached her room, but he was content to wait there. And there he was, four days later, still waiting for her to wake up again and talk to him. Waiting for the chance to tell her how he felt about her.

He hadn't heard from Lindsey, but then he really hadn't expected to. He'd broken her heart and knew she needed time to deal with that. What she'd done for him was selfless and noble. She'd walked away from their relationship in order for him to have a happy ending to his epic love story with Peyton. He felt he'd never be able to repay her for that... except by being happy.

It was nearly three in the afternoon, nearly a week after Peyton was admitted to the hospital that she awoke and found him by her bedside reading to her. He'd been reading to her all week while she slept. Or played music from her massive collection. He and Brooke took turns watching over her, allowing the other time to shower and eat.

"Hi," she said groggily, interrupting his story (albeit a pleasant interruption as far as Lucas was concerned).

Lucas dropped the book to his lap and scooted forward, eyes wide with concern and happiness. "Hey," he said just as softly. He raised a hand and touched her face. "How are you feeling?"

"Thirsty," Peyton answered after a moment. Lucas moved quickly to pour her a glass of water before returning to help her sit up straight in the bed. He handed her the cup (making sure she could hold it steady in her shaking hand) before sitting back down in the chair. "How long was I out this time?" she asked after taking a long gulp of water.

"Just a few hours," Lucas replied. "Just a little nap."

Peyton nodded and bit back the tears that wanted to flow. She felt like an invalid. Dirty, disgusting and damaged. She felt pathetic but didn't want him to know. He'd given up so much of his time to spend with her and she didn't want him to think she didn't appreciate it. She did, very much, but there must be something else he'd rather be doing. Anything else besides watching over his ex-girlfriend.

Still, it was nice having him there. She would have to thank Lindsey for allowing Lucas to spend so much time with her.

She thought about finding Lindsey with her ring the night of her attack and the tears wanted to flow even more now. She wouldn't let them. Not now. Not until she was alone. "What were you reading me this time?" she asked, changing to subject to something less painful.

"_Aladdin__ and His Wonderful Lamp_," Lucas answered.

"The original version from _1,001 Arabian Nights_?"

"Yes."

Peyton smiled even though she wanted to cry. "Why?"

Lucas looked at her as if he didn't hear her. Peyton almost thought he didn't until he answered. "Because it's one of your favorites."

The words were so soft and simple that Peyton almost thought she didn't hear them. He looked at her so adoringly as he said them (in fact he'd been looking at her that way since she woke up the first time) and that only served to make her uneasy.

The time he spent with her was nice and she cherished it more than anything... but his heart belonged to another.

"What's wrong?" Lucas asked, closing the book ad dropping it to his feet. He could see the tears falling from her closed eyes and sat on the side of her bed. "Peyton?"

"This is wrong," she admitted on a raspy breath of air. "_This_." She gestured between them. "You being here with me all week is wrong. You have a life, Lucas. One I am no longer a part of. You have a fiancée that you're going to go home to as soon as I get the all clear and I'm going to have to find a way to get used to being without you... again. This isn't fair. It's wrong."

"Peyton-"

"Look, Lucas, I appreciate that you've been here for me. I know Brooke does, too. But go home, okay? Go home to Lindsey and plan your wedding and be happy."

She leaned back in a huff against the pillows, wincing with the pain that accompanied such a swift movement.

Lucas didn't move, just stared at her with knowing eyes.

Peyton diverted her eyes away from him, staring at any and everything but him. She was sure she was going to cry at any moment and would rather he not see that.

"Is that what you want, Peyton?" Lucas asked, his voice sounded so full of hurt.

_No, no it's not what I want._ She swallowed hard before answering, "Yes."

Lucas still made no moves. "I'm sorry, Peyton. I can't do that."

She rolled her eyes, sure that he was being pigheaded because she was hurt. "Why not?"

"Because I'm not getting married. Lindsey is gone." Peyton's eyes, so full of shock, landed on his face. He didn't look sad or angry at all.

"Because of me?" she asked, her mouth turned down in a petulant frown. "Because of what happened to me? Because you're spending so much time with me?"

"No," he assured her. "Because of _me_. Because after you got hurt I couldn't hide my heart anymore." He grabbed her hand and was pleased when she didn't pull away. "Lindsey left me because I'm still in love with you." Tears fell silently down her cheeks. "I love you, Peyton. I'm so sorry that it took you being hurt for me to admit that. I'm sorry that I hurt you in LA by leaving you and being a colossal jerk to you last week by kissing you and then going and letting Lindsey think I was going to propose to her."

"Lucas-"

"No, wait," he begged. "Hear me out." Peyton nodded. "I know you think I'm only here because I feel guilty for leaving you that night." When her eyes didn't quite meet his, he knew he was right. "Truthfully, I am. I never should have left you. In LA, in the office that night, never."

He bowed his head for a moment, thinking of the correct words to tell her how he felt. Thinking of the words to tell her what he'd experienced this past week. He'd learned so much about life and love and not taking either for granted.

"When I saw you in that bed, unconscious and bruised, my heart broke. I cannot remember feeling more lost and desperate than I did in that moment. We didn't know whether you were going to come out of your coma or live or die and I was never so terrified. Of not only losing you, but also losing you without telling you that I do love you. I always have and I always will."

He sat closer to her now, holding her hand tightly against his chest. She could feel it beating against the back of her hand and could feel her own thundering in her chest. She'd waited for these words for what seemed like a lifetime.

"I know that we have a lot to work out and to get through, I know it, but I'm willing to do it, Peyton. I don't want another moment to pass by and you not know that I'm willing to give you everything I am." He dug in his pocket for the ring he'd been carrying for days now. Her eyes caught sight of it and Lucas felt her breathing hitch. "This was never Lindsey's ring. Even she knew that. It was always yours. _Always_." She allowed him to place it on her finger. "Just like my heart."

Though she was in a tremendous amount of pain, Peyton smiled through the tears. A happy smile. A happy smile that reached all the way up to her eyes and warmed her to the depths of her soul. They did have a lot to work out, and she had things to deal with, but she wanted to do it with him.

She smiled to him and pulled him to her in a warm hug. She couldn't hug him as tightly as they both wanted because of her injuries, but just being able to hold him, being able to love him freely and knowing he loved her back was enough.

"Our story is epic, Peyton," he whispered against her ear. He pulled back to look into the green eyes he loved so much. "Beautiful and tragic sometimes, but ours." He kissed her hand gently. "I want it to have a happy ending."

Peyton's mind raced. She felt as though her heart would burst with love and happiness and pride at any moment. As more tears (happy tears) streamed down her face, she could only think of one word.

One word to the one person who truly mattered.

"Yes..."

Lucas smiled and kissed her gently on the lips. A sweet, slow yet passionate kiss between the boy who loved the girl. She'd gotten away from him before... but never again.

He kissed her as if he never kissed her before... or ever would again.

Because Peyton Sawyer died the next morning.

Lucas had awakened to find her cold, lifeless body lying in his arms and his heart broke. She'd passed away in her sleep (free of pain, the doctor said) from a blood clot that traveled to her heart. Something so small and tiny had taken away the life of his beloved.

It couldn't be. Just couldn't be. He'd finally gotten her back. He couldn't lose her again. Not again. Not forever.

His brother and Skills had to carry him away from Peyton so the nurses could remove her body while Mouth, Haley and Millicent tended to a heartbroken Brooke.

"No!" Lucas screamed. "Peyton!"

She couldn't be dead.

She just couldn't be.

_Peyton..._

- - - - - - - - -

He stood at the graveside with her father, Larry, his mother, and Brooke; and the rest of their friends, too. The ceremony had been lovely; people who loved Peyton said the most wonderful things about her. They looked in his direction when talking of her love of music and art, correlating that her love of _him_.

Lucas had barely heard them saying anything at all. Could only hear Brooke and Larry's sobs. Could only hear the screaming of his breaking heart resonating loudly in his mind. Could only see them lowering the casket that held his beloved into the cold, hard ground.

When it was over, he stood alone at her grave. Alone with his thoughts of her and his bitter feelings and anger at losing her forever. A touch to his shoulder made him turn around. He half-expected to see his mother, his brother or Haley behind him but was surprised to see Lindsey standing there. Had she been there the whole time? She smiled to him as warmly as she could and handed him the unfinished manuscript of his latest book.

"Give it a happy ending," she said and Lucas knew just what she meant.

She turned to walk away when Lucas called to her. "Lindsey?" She turned to face him, brown hair blowing in the wind. "Why did you do it? Why'd you break up with me so I could go back to Peyton?"

She thought for a moment, and then smiled. "It really is an epic story, Luke."

With that, she walked away from him and out of his life again.

Lucas returned home that evening to find his friends and family gathered at his house. He avoided them all and went to his bedroom, unable to explain his need to be alone to them anyway.

He pulled out his pictures of Peyton and looked lovingly at them all. She was smiling in almost every single one and the thought of never seeing that smile again finally hit him.

Instead of destroying everything in a fit of rage, instead of giving into the grief, he decided to do something that would make Peyton proud of him.

He'd gotten what many other people would kill to have: The chance to make things right. No matter what he was feeling now, he was secure in the knowledge that Peyton knew he loved her before she died. He hoped that maybe she died happy.

He would give anything to have her there with him. Anything in the world to get just one more moment with her, but he realized he had a lifetime to love Peyton Sawyer. She may not be with him anymore, but her memories would never be far from his heart.

"Lucas?" Brooke's soft voice called from the doorway of his room. "Can I come in?"

Lucas smiled to her as best her could. Brooke was hurting just as much as he was. He couldn't turn her away. "Of course."

The short brunette walked further inside the room and shut the door. "I just wanted to say thank you," she told him. "For being there for me and Peyton these last weeks. I know it meant so much to her to have you there." She smiled sadly, as the tears flowed again freely. "To know that you still loved her."

"I'll always love her."

"I know." She walked over and hugged him tightly. "I'm so sorry."

"Me, too," Lucas said as he hugged her back. "Me, too"

"Make her proud, Luke," Brooke said and left him alone again.

Many others came into his room after he finally let them and expressed their condolences. It wasn't until nearly midnight, and he was finally left alone, that he opened his laptop and began to write as the thoughts of her swarmed his mind.

_Make her proud_, Brooke had said.

_Give it a happy ending_, Lindsey had said.

He would.

It was what all epic love stories deserved.

"_It was more than just a comet because of what it brought to his life: direction, beauty, meaning. There are many who couldn't understand, and sometimes he walked among them. But even in his darkest hours, he knew in his heart that someday it would return to him, and his world would be whole again... And his belief in God and love and art would be re-awakened in his heart."_

Lucas Scott went to sleep that night, the night he buried the love of his life, with one word in mind.

One word. Just the name of the person who was still looking out for him.

_Peyton..._

**- The end -**


End file.
